Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-35030974-20191219013821/@comment-28707994-20191226060737

Being a sincerely good person doesn't necessarily mean you have to be a people pleaser. And a cynical worldview isn't neccessarily absolute.

Here is my Undertale journey so far:

At first, I was reluctant to play Undertale because I was afraid of the extremely vocal fans who would bash in "Genocide is evil and your punishment is your fault", so I planned to play Pacifist just so they would validate me. I understood the message well: reckless actions have consequences, and a selfish desire for satisfaction and power will only make you miserable. I've learned this lesson before playing the game: sometimes I got into fights with Internet trolls and they would guilt-trip me, and I kept provoking and prodding them because I wanted to fight. It left me feeling terrible, and I promised that I would never make stupid decisions again. But even after that, I've been filled with self-esteem issues about these vocal fans blaming Genocide players for everything, and I was really afraid and lacking in confidence because I was afraid of getting on their bad side. I knew they weren't talking about ME in particular as I had never played before (and I would never DARE to attempt Genocide) but they were distrustful towards what someone COULD do, jumping to blame so easily.

On Christmas, I played Undertale for the first time, and I knew what I had to do. When I started, I had that people pleaser mentality again and believed these people who said "Undertale isn't about fun, it's about morality", hammering the consequences into my head. And eventually, I asked myself what would happen if I did attempt to kill? What would happen if I did try and start a Genocide Route?

I did a few experiments, like playing a game of Jenga. I pressed the FIGHT button, but couldn't bring myself to kill. I decided to kill a monster (a Whimsun) just to feel something, and all I felt was remorse, so I went back in time to bring it back. During Toriel's boss fight, I felt choked up. I curiously hovered towards the FIGHT button, and I lacked the will to press it. I couldn't start a Genocide Route without chickening out. In fact, after sparing Toriel, I wanted to visit her again since I valued her so much. But I knew that it would be a long way, so I continued my journey.

I went to Snowdin, and found the Tough Glove. Sometimes, my curiosity would run wild and I would attempt to FIGHT, but I had no idea that I had to button-mash for the Tough Glove. But even after finding it out, I was more interested to spare the monsters. I didn't even feel like killing Jerry! Throughout my run, I was frustrated with some enemies (like Vegetoid and Greater Dog) but I eventually stopped seeing them as enemies, but allies I could attach to.

The reason why I played Undertale (and why I play video games in general) is not because of challenge nor a desire to win, but mainly for fun. I had more fun with pacifism and the Skelebros' puzzles than I would've had with killing. I hate extremely hard parts of games, so I had no heart to fight Undyne the Undying nor Sans. But my choices weren't just for my own satisfaction. It told me a lot about my own character: I enjoy being kind, I didn't like hurting people and I despise revenge because I wouldn't be any better than my enemies. I overcame my worries and anxieties from the Negative Nancies and continued to do good even if nobody else would.

Despite how many people are always complaining about Genocide players who blame Chara for their own crimes, my experience with Undertale helped prove that not everything has to be this way. It isn't about validation. It isn't about the satisfaction of saying "I told you so". The main objective of Undertale is to judge the player, and I'd rather be my own judge than be judged by cynics who assume the worst.