Thread:Navi King1/@comment-5956954-20160312040935/@comment-27958629-20160313010731

Yeah, good point. We don't know if Hapstablook underwent a self-identity change after gaining the robot body... I'm just going to leave that one alone lol.

Reading through your edits, I think I can offer a few suggestions.

While Frisk's   face   always   shows    a blank expression, the game often describes Frisk making other expressions

 Change to "Though blank faced in the overworld, the game often describes Frisk making other expressions."

she reveals  that   she   aborted    <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> the  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> plan  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">to stop Frisk  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> and their journey'  

<p class="MsoNormal"> F You accidentally added a "their." You could just change it to "... stop Frisk's journey."

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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">and actually attempts to kill Frisk  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> themself 

<p class="MsoNormal"> This is talking about Mettaton attacking Frisk. If "themself" is referring to Frisk, it should be removed. If it's referring to Mettaton it should be changed to "himself" (because we know that Mettaton is male).

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;">At this point, Frisk can choose whether to kill or spare a weakened Flowey before leaving the Underground

<p class="MsoNormal">This could be changed to "At this point, there is the option to kill or spare..."

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">Undyne gets "revenge" by trying to befriend Frisk <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> first 

<p class="MsoNormal"> This might be changeable to "Undyne gets "revenge" by trying to create friendship first." Not sure if that will actually be good though.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black;background:rgb(204,255,204);">At this point,  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> Frisk <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">can choose to hug Asriel.

<p class="MsoNormal">Maybe change to "At this point, there is a choice to hug Asriel or do nothing."

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black;background:rgb(204,255,204);">If Frisk backtracks to the very first room in Undertale,  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> Asriel <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> is  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> found  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">tending to the flowers

<p class="MsoNormal">Change to "Backtracking to the very first room in Undertale reveals that Asriel is tending to the flowers."

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">Although Frisk does not answer <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);">, <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">Asriel lists off foolishness <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> or  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">fate <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> as possible motives  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">,  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> but comes to the conclusion that "only you  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">( <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> Frisk  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif; color:black;background:#CCFFCC">)  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> know  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> the  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> answer  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif; color:black;background:#CCFFCC">. <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> " <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">Frisk never reveals the actual reason.

<p class="MsoNormal">Change to "Receiving no answer, Asriel lists off foolishness or fate as possible motives, but comes to the conclusion that "only you (Frisk) know the answer." The actual reason is never revealed."

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black;background:rgb(204,255,204);">If Frisk chose to stay with Toriel, the ending scene shows Toriel bringing a slice of pie to Frisk's bedroom. Otherwise, <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> if <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> Frisk has "places to go,"  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background:#CCFFCC">  <span style="font-size:8.5pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif;color:black;background: #CCFFCC">the game ends with a group photo of Frisk and  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:red;border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;background:rgb(204,255,204);"> co  <span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black;background:rgb(204,255,204);">.

<p class="MsoNormal">Change to "After choosing to stay with Toriel, the ending scene shows Toriel bringing a slice of pie to Frisk's bedroom. Otherwise, if Frisk has "places to go," the game ends with a group photo of the main monster cast with Frisk in the middle."

<p class="MsoNormal">Hopefully that helps! Also, RIP formatting.

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